Coconut & Bean

Where family and style coexist

stay at home motherhood

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stay-at-home-motherhood

Mother jeans, flats (similar), chambray shirt (similar), earrings Anthropologie

I was with two of my closest friends the other night at a book signing (yes, I’m so cool) and we started talking about next chapters. They were both starting new jobs and I was adjusting to the kids new school schedule. Do I sometimes feel awkward during these conversations you ask?  You know the ones where your career girl friends or perfect balancer of work and family girl friends start musing on all they have going on and I’m like, yeah-I just cleaned all the shelves in my fridge and I finally put together the girls birthday photo albums. No, not at all (insert sarcastic tone here). The truth is I always feel a little inadequate when I leave my suburban bubble and see how much everyone else is doing out there when they’re not running carpool and supervising playdates. Don’t get me wrong, these girls of mine are nothing but loving, encouraging and completely supportive of my role as stay-at-home mom. And I really like being a SAHM. But I can’t help but feel a little jealous, and as always in awe of how they do all that they do. It was brought to my attention recently by my sister-friend (let’s be real, we’re beyond besties at this point) that I don’t finish things. She praised all of my beautiful starts and beginnings but observed the end game is where I struggle. After I told her to go f*** herself, I realized she had a point. (Brief pause to appreciate having such insightful, loving, caring forces in my life who aren’t afraid to tell me like it is-you know who you are). So of course I started obsessing and went through a list in my head to prove I’ve been finishing things: completed the 39-mile Avon walk and with my team raised over $20,000 to fight breast cancer, started and completed four new books (titles below), booked my trip to London in October for my brother’s wedding party, and successfully got both kids dressed and coiffed for their respective picture days. So there! But of course thinking of what I’ve finished, inevitably made me think of what I haven’t. My blog. It has been stagnant for a while and that always makes me sad. My t-shirt line. I designed, printed and distributed to friends a women’s and children’s logo t and then never did another thing with it. My retail site. I got a domain, designed a logo, shopped for wares in Mexico then let it go undone. Ok there. So of course this sparked a debate in my head and then it became a debate with some of my other SAHM friends and my working mom friends. Why isn’t being a mom enough? Why do we (I) feel like I’ve got to be doing more with my days than picking up and dropping off. My kids are healthy and happy (some of the time), isn’t that reward enough? I know, poor me (sarcasm). But this question is out there in all circles of life so it’s not just a White Girl Problem if you will. What I can tell you is it’s a complicated topic and one meant to be explored on its own stage, so stay tuned for more of it in upcoming posts. While I still love clothes, style tips and I’m always available to lend my eye to an ensemble or my ear to a closet dilemma, I think a part of my stalemate on the blog has been the challenge of writing more than 200 words about an outfit recipe. Whereas this stream of consciousness stuff comes easier to me. So even though a blog is never finished, this post is. Add it to the list. Thanks C-xo

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they’re baaaaaaack!

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Coco Ann, first day of Pre-K

Summer is definitely my favorite season. I love lounging in the sun, playing on the beach, traveling to vacation destinations and enjoying a more laid back schedule with the kids. I love being warm all the time and wearing easy breezy dresses and sandals, never bothering to bring a jacket “just in case”. But I can’t quite describe the sweet satisfaction of a quiet empty house after the little darlings go back to school. This week was Elle’s first day of second grade (sniff sniff) and Coco’s first day of Pre-K. It was busy and sometimes touch-and-go getting back into the routine, but overall it was a success. The girls love their new teachers, I resumed training for my Avon Walk for Breast Cancer coming up in September (donate here if you haven’t already) and I enjoyed a few peaceful hours alone, every busy mom’s ultimate reward. So happy back to school to you all! Have a great weekend.

anniversary

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First-dance

Fishnets and first dances

Today is my ninth wedding anniversary and it’s one of my favorite days of the year. Not for expectation of lavish gifts or fancy dinners but because I am 100 percent allowed to lock myself in a room and go through every photo, video and moment again without feeling silly. I laugh, I cry and I usually end up sending little notes and screen shots to people reminding them of that one perfect weekend we shared in Mexico. We returned to San jose Del Cabo earlier this month and like us much had changed, but much had also stayed the same. Our little boutique resort has grown, just like our family, but it is still down to earth, beautiful and a place of love just like our family. We were welcomed with open arms and spent our whole check in exchanging kiddy photos with the staff. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” It has become a second home to us and we made a pact to return more often, and of course daydreamed about doing it all over again. Looking through pictures of the day, I was struck by changes in the lives around us and thought of all the new friends we’ve made, our new family and how much we wished they had been there. Strangely, I realized some of the guests are not in our lives anymore and that made me melancholy and want to pick up the phone, or say a prayer whichever the case may be. Regardless of the emotions I experience throughout my walk down memory lane, I always end with gratefulness, is that an emotion? I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have so much love in my life and that it is okay to reflect with teary eyes but better to look forward with open ones.                   Happy Anniversary B. So far, so so so good.-XO

Photo by Michelle Warren

outfit recipe-baseball hat and jeans

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Full

Billabong hat, sweater (similar), Hudson jeans (old), Havaianas, Stella and Dot necklace, Helen Ficalora “E” charm

Finding it hard to write, I mean this pretty much speaks for itself right? (Plus, it’s almost 1 am-Mike I love you, but roll over!) I mean what’s better than a baseball hat and jeans plus white anything on top? Especially when hair under said baseball hat has not been washed all week? Add some serious sunshine and bam-you’ve got it all! Wait, pause. Coco’s up. She’s in the bathroom!?! Oh lord, it’s a doozy. This is real-time action here folks. OK, back from the depths of mommy hero-dom. I won’t go into it but let’s just say I earned my stripes tonight or this morning. What time is it!?! Where am I? Go to sleep!

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outfit recipe-maxi skirt

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Me, my maxi and Jack. Even though we adopted a new little love last week (more to follow of course), he’ll always be my number one.

Zara skirt and sunnies, Alternative Apparel tank, Dolce Vita sandals, JCrew tote

Maxi skirts (and dresses) are one of those items I grab for every season. For colder months they are great with cozy sweaters and moto boots, and during heat waves like the one we had last week they’re cool and breezy with sandals and tanks. I feel like I’m wearing a nightgown when I’m in one and love that flowy girly feel when they blow in the breeze. This one is from Zara, and I loved it so much I bought it in two colors. I know some people scoff at that, but I’m picky-so when I find something I like, I stock up. They get so much use, that I feel very justified in doubling down. I also love this one and this one from Zara. Sadly those are about the only links I can put up right now because my internet is performing like a washed up lounge singer-slow and sad. Ugh, I LOVE/HATE technology. It allows for so much greatness but then my internet goes down and I feel completely useless. Think this must be the universe telling me to go outside and chill. Or god-forbid read a book. What internet provider do you guys use? Love? Hate?

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outfit recipe-graphic t-shirts

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Over-the-shoulder

Love Nail Tree t, Hudson jeans, JCrew jean jacket, JCrew snakeskin flats (similar), round neutral toned sunnies (similar), gold and beaded bracelets, hammered stud earrings

I’ve always had a special place in my heart for graphic t-shirts. I can still remember being obsessed with Stussy skater ts in high school. I was kind of preppy but when I wanted to show my tough side I went to my local surf shop and picked up the coolest print I could find. One I remember in particular was burgundy with two huge white dice underneath that familiar handwritten Stussy logo. Subtle. Not. Today I still reach for a good graphic t-shirt when I want to make a statement, or when I just want to be really comfortable. Which is a lot of the time. Lately I’ve been buying them in larger sizes to offset skinny jeans or leggings. When I found this one at Unique LA last weekend, I freaked. Beautiful color, great fit, and holla-LA represent! I may be a valley girl, but I LOVE LA!

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mother daughter relationships

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Me, my mom and Elle (7)

If I could describe motherhood in two words I’d call it wonderfully tricky. The wonderful part you’ve all heard about-the love, the laughter, the pride and the calm in knowing your purpose. The tricky part is almost all the rest of it. The safety, the structure, the heartache, the fear, the emotions and the often overwhelming confusion. Am I doing the right thing? Am I setting a good example? Did I teach the right lesson? Will I ever sleep again? Truthfully as I write this I’m hyperventilating a bit. If you sit down and talk realistically to someone about parenthood it sounds like something only an insane person would engage in. This video about the “World’s Toughest Job” puts that into perspective. Do yourself a favor and watch it. Then call your mom. Then call her again. I think the relationship between a mother and her daughter can be very tricky. The pendulum in that relationship swings so furiously it can make you dizzy. It can be best friends, worst enemies, intense competitors and trusted advisors-and that’s just over lunch. I grew up loving my mom and spent a big part of my childhood trying to make her happy. I’m often told by her that I did a good job and that feels good. I never had to question her love for me, it was unconditional from day one. Sadly, she did not experience the same with her mom and it hurts to watch her struggle with that. What she didn’t get from her mother she made sure I got  above and beyond. And that’s really how so many of us parent-by taking what worked and what didn’t from our own. Having two or more girls is even more tricky. Elle, Coco and I are like a little team these days. Now that they’re older we are doing a lot of new things together-tennis, gardening, shopping (duh) and they are becoming little girlfriends. I struggle with it, always trying to keep the lines clear as to who is in charge, but I have fun with it too. Only time will tell what parts of my parenting work for them and what parts don’t. So for now I can only do what the rest of us parents do, my best. So on this Mother’s Day as I log in another year as a mom, I’ll tell mine that if she questions parts of her life, so be it. But never question if you are loved by your daughter, because you are. And I’ll say to Elle and Coco that all my dreams have come true just by you two being here and I never imagined how full life could be until I had you. You girls complete me. Now go brush your teeth and get to bed! Happy Mother’s Day!

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Me and Coco (almost 4)

Special thanks to my dear friend Ashley for taking these gorgeous photos at my brother’s wedding. Words can’t thank you enough for your generosity. That’s why I’m taking you to the Four Seasons!-XO

outfit recipe-black blazer, white t

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Sitting

Theory blazer, Report d’orsay flats (similar), Mother jeans, Gap white tank, Stella and Dot necklace and earrings, Claire Vivier clutch

A black blazer with jeans is my version of a super hero suit. It sits in my closet always ready to work its powers. It has many powers but my favorite is the ability to make me look chic and put together in an instant. Chic like, “Yeah, I’m chic, but I don’t try to be, it just is.”  A black blazer is a good piece to invest in. You can find them almost anywhere and at almost any price point, but to go the extra mile and get a good one will reward you ten fold. I’ve had this Theory one for over ten years now and it looks brand new and timeless. I can throw it on with Target ts and flip-flops and it still works its magic. Or I can dress it up over a cocktail dress with heels or punk it up with shorts, boots and lots of accessories. I always feel perfectly dressed in it. Karl Lagerfeld said “One is never over or under dressed in a little black dress.” I feel the same way about this blazer-little, black, bold, super. And for putting myself together for work or a meeting while getting the kids to school, well let’s just say I need a hero.

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short story on how to wear jean shorts

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Madewell shorts similar, Rag & Bone tank (peaking out), Target sweatshirt, Dolce Vita tennies, Helen Ficalora alphabet necklace, Zara bag similar

So spring is in full swing over here. We’ve been gardening, dancing, oh and getting my brother married off. (Congrats to the newlyweds!) It’s been an insane month of travel and party planning, but one thing that has been easy is the wardrobe. With warm weather comes my simple uniforms, one of which is jean shorts. It’s always scary putting on shorts for the first time of the year (I hate my knees), but it’s also freeing. When I buy my jean shorts, I always buy them in at least one or two sizes larger than I would wear in jeans. That way you avoid the ever-unflattering butt flaps and the always uncomfortable you know what toe. Over the next few weeks look for lots of jean short looks. This one is pretty casual, and fantastic for drop-off/pick-ups, shop-til-you-dropping or a quick-lunch with girlfriends. I also think because of the baggy shorts, long sleeves and tennies it’s totally appropriate for volunteering on hot days at school. So go on, take your pants off!!!

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